I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
