Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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