I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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