haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
