Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol

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(567): View more from Ohio

i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial

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(614): View more from Ohio

If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people

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(805): View more from California

he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice

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(337): View more from Louisiana

When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.

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(519): View more from Ontario

How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT

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