It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
