Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize