Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The uberlube is also flammable
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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