Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
