ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
