its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
