i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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