how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
