Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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