What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
