i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
