im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
