Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
