Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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