There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
