You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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