Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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