my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
it's like heaven, but drunker
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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