Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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