why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
