WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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