absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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