He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
