You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
