im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
