i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
