Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize