I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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