i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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