Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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