I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
