Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I believe in your delicious
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
