Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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