she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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