Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
His nipple licking is glorious
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