Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
