Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
