Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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