And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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