You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
