the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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