Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
