OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
