she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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