btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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