A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
