So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
cat food counts as protein by the way
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
