I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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