also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize