Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
