We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize