Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize