You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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