I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
