I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
