What a fucking waste of an outfit
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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